Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
