Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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