we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
