I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
