I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
