Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
