Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am naked and annoyed.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
