nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
