Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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