I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
