somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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