I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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