I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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