sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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