Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
