I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
