And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
