Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
