dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
