you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
