I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
