apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
