Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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