Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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