I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
