it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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