There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
