this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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