i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
