theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
