I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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