Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think my vagina is haunted
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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