FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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