Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
