Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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