I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
