literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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