Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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