His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This baby is an asshole
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
