he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
3pm strippers are depressing
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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