I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
