Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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