I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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