My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
