if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
