Don't make out with my wife yet
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
