I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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