remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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