Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
