Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
