How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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